You’re going to DISNEY with HER??????

People have done everything from stare at me in confusion to asking me if I think that is safe. Like she is going to smuggle him out of the park…? Is it safe for someone that loves our son as much as we do to see him and give him love… Yes I’d say it’s SAFE!
Yes, we are going to Disneyland with Kristin! Crazy? No. Excited, Yes! We are SO blessed to have such an amazing relationship with Kai’s birth mom but we are not alone!
Every situation is different and like any relationship it changes but Open Adoption ROCKS!!!

Question: what is your relationship like with your childrens Birth Family??:

♥I would say that it is progressing. At first it was very uncomfortable. Now we are thankful for each other. We don’t have a lot in common besides our son, but we both enjoy him. It is great to have someone to whom you can freely brag about him.
~C, Minnesota (Son 5 years old)~

♥Since we are in a foster situation everything is monitored. We would love to be a non-biased party, however we advocate for the boys and their reaction tells it all right now. Phone calls and emails for now. Caseworker handles everything else.
~D, Illinois (Sons 6 years old & 2 years old)~

♥I love her like a close cousin or half sibling……Our daughters share the same beautiful birth mom. I only want good for her. I worry (tremendously) for and about her. She is always in my prayers and I carry her in my heart. It’s neat that you can love someone so much– she made us a family and she will never know how important she is to us all.
~K, Iowa (Daughters 5 years old & 17 months old)~

♥How to describe our relationship? I don’t know that there is even a correct term. We are sisters, friends, business partners (Non-profit Organization), and moms to a little boy we share so much love for. We are supporters of one another; we can disagree but still respect one another. We love one another’s children and treat them like they are our own. Our kids consider themselves siblings; our extended families consider one another family. Basically we are family. We don’t always have to like what one another does all of the time but we still love one another unconditionally because THAT is what being a family means to us!
~K, Illinois (Son 4 ½ years)~

♥We have a very open adoption with O’s birth family. I feel and think of her birthparents as my niece and nephew. Their family feels like aunts/uncles. We have done numerous outings with birth mom’s family including O’s baptism, birthday parties, funerals, graduations, dinners and we go to O’s great grandma’s house every Christmas. I’m on FaceBook with most of the birth family too, so they can see pictures and videos and enjoy her growing up as well. Birth mom, her twin sister and their cousin come over an average of once a month. Birth dad and his mom come over every few months (they also come to O’s birthday parties). We all consider each other family. Anytime we see each other we hug, kiss and tell each other how much we love each other. They are all very special to us and we love them dearly.
~A, Kentucky (Daughter 2 years old)~

♥We have a closed adoption with our son’s (J) birth family. We had a semi-open adoption with daughter’s birth family initially, now completely open. My relationship with birth mom during N’s childhood was all via letters, pictures, etc. It was always friendly. We met when N was 19 and had an instant friendship. We do not have frequent contact, given N’s age and stage in life, but we do share info and love for our daughter. K came through the foster care system. She is the bio-daughter of my son, J. Our relationship with her birth mom was rocky at first because it was an involuntary placement, but we have a good relationship now. It feels like we adopted K’s whole birth family! Her birth mom feels like one of our older kids, her birth grandparents like cousins or something. We share LOTS of info about K on FaceBook, where most of her aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents, can follow everything she does. (And they DO!) Because her birth dad is my son, we have a relationship with him…
~R, Minnesota (Son 27 years old, Daughter 25 years old, Daughter 5 years old)~

♥We only have phone contact with DD’s Birth mom. The first year it was every other month, now it’s more sporadic. I know in my case I was thrown into knowing almost everything about her in less than 24 hours. We didn’t meet her until DD was born and actually just knew about her after she went into labor. I had known about her mental condition, spent 18 hours with her after we met, just her and I. I love her in a way that I don’t have a love for anyone else, but it hard to explain.
~T, Texas (Daughter 18 months old)~

♥We have not really hit the friendship part of things although the relationship is still fairly new. I think it really depends on the birth mom and her personality. T’s Birth mom wasn’t looking for someone to get close to or share her emotions with. We hung out prior to the birth and I was there to support her during the C-Section, but we never got really close. Because we live so far away, it is pretty semi-open right now with just a few emails and photos between us.
~B, Wisconsin (Son 8 weeks old)~

♥We don’t have a relationship with T’s Birth mom or Birth dad. We are in contact with his maternal aunt and paternal aunt and uncle. But we are more like acquaintances then anything. They live such different lifestyles then what DH and I live that we really don’t have much in common with them.
~J, Texas (Son 5 months old)~

♥We live in the same town and we meet up occasionally. She texts me and it’s more like a friendship. She enjoys keeping up with how L is doing, but usually follows that on Facebook. When we text she rarely asks about her. For a while, I felt like a mom to L’s birth mom but as time has progressed, I feel more like her older sister.
~J, Tennessee (Daughter 1 year old)~

♥For us, it’s like having a distant acquaintance we see a couple times a year. We don’t have a terribly deep connection: she placed after birth, we met her the day before we took DD home, and we don’t talk on a regular basis. She likes to keep conversations light and doesn’t delve into any deep topics. We respect that, as we feel that’s probably where she wants to be, or just the way she is. She clearly loves DD, and seems to be connecting more now that she’s out of the infant stage. Her mom (who comes to all meetings) has a slightly deeper connection, but we still don’t talk about heavy topics.
~M, Massachusetts (Daughter 2 ½ years old)~

♥What is it like???? Hmmmm….it’s rewarding but oh so often difficult. I say rewarding because if you are blessed with truly good people as Birthparents, they can add so much to your life. But like most relationships, there are such tough times. We love her and not just because of DS. She is pretty remarkable considering where she came from. We enjoy seeing her accomplish goals and be happy. The best thing she can do for any of us is live her life and be happy. She is just like a good friend we love and who loves our kid. I believe that with the right birthparents, it just works, even when there are complications. It’s is such a hard relationship to try and explain. I never fathomed until my sweet baby was handed directly to me after Birth mom delivered him. I’ll never forget it: I held him first, then handed him to her.
~D, Alabama (Daughter 2 years old)~

♥We have a very open relationship with DD’s birth mom. To me, we feel like family. We have seen her birth mom about 4 times this year so far, and we’ll probably try to see her about 1-2 more times between now and Christmas. When we see each other we talk about all kinds of things – how DD is doing, how birth mom is doing, about specific family members, about DH’s job or birth mom’s job, school, other things going on in our lives. We have a really good, positive relationship with her, her mom/step-dad, her brothers, and one of her cousins.
~W, Michigan (Daughter 3 years old)

♥Our son’s Birth mom is so much younger than us, it is truly like she is a daughter or a niece. We are very close to her but not necessarily because she is his Birth mom. We are like family to her, and we love to help her when we can. She loves him dearly, but she has moved on, gotten married and has a baby girl. I could only hope and pray our next situation (if it happens) would be this nice.
~L, Georgia (Son 3 years old)~

♥She was actually pretty uncomfortable with Quinn when he was a baby. She just didn’t know what to do with him. We see and communicate more with her mother because she lives closer. BM has kind of moved on in life, which is a good thing for her. I really can’t compare it any other relationship–we do have an incredible bond.
~K, Illinois (Son 3 years old)~

**Thank you to all my contributors**

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Wendy
    Sep 21, 2012 @ 13:41:18

    Thank you for writing this – love hearing all of the different viewpoints and I love reading about others’ open adoptions, too! So excited for you – have fun on your trip to Disneyland!!

    Reply

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