See you later…

We knew it was coming, but the hospital had postponed discharge a few times -so when it was actually upon us all, we were not fully prepared.

Our social worker finally showed up to the hospital (days prior she had been MIA!) We all sat and talked. Temporary custody papers were signed by us, copies shuffled to Katie quite unceremoniously. It felt like a business transaction which made me sick. So I held her hand to let her know we were not happy about this “meeting” while this woman droaned on about the laws and blah blah blah. “I’ll hand you the baby in the parking lot” my brain comes to a screeching halt.
“Wait what?” I say
Katie grips my hand…
“Well the hospital won’t give you the baby, so I’ll just hand her to you in the parking lot.”
I gripped Katie’s hand.
“That is not going to be acceptable for us.”
“Well you don’t have a say… remember you were given the option of cradle care which would avoid all of this because someone else would be caring for her until you were given legal guardianship.”
Katie is getting very upset & speaks up “I dont want anyone touching her but them.”
Social worker gets up walks out.
I look at her and say “it’s ok we will make it work.”
Social worker returns looking VERY unhappy.
“Fine, are you ready to go?”
“No we want to give Katie some time and we need to call her ride.” (We offered for Chad or I to drive her home and then come back for the baby. But she refused and told us a cab was good. My heart broke)
Social worker huffs and walks out again.
We hugged Katie and told her to take her time and we loved her. As I turned the corner out of the room I could FEEL her crying…it was a deep, painful, quiet cry I gripped the wall and Chad had to grab me before I collapsed. We went to the family room and sat for a second… I was in physical pain my heart was ripping from my chest. I prepared her car seat and openly wept. Chad closed the door to the family room and we prayed. I was able to gain my composure and walk out into the hallway. At that moment Katie looked out the doorway and waved the nurse over. The charge nurse said “she is ready.” My heart sunk again. She walked out of room to us and I had no words. This amazing woman was standing in front of me and I couldn’t speak! I muttered “I love you,  we love you. Please know that we will see you later!” She returned an I love you guys too and took a deep breath. We hugged she started to cry and said “I’m ready.” The hospital social worker grabbed her bag and escorted her to the elevator as I watched the doors close I lost it again! Chad grabbed the car seat and we walked back to our room.  I tearfully put her in her seat and the nurse said “I bet you are so happy” I glared at her and said “this is a very emotional day there is happiness but there is a lot of sadness as well.” She was silent the rest of the time she stood watching me. I got her all snug in her seat and breathed a sigh of relief.

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Our social worker appeared in our doorway as we collected all of our stuff and said “she’ll be okay don’t worry.” I took a sledgehammer to her head and kept smashing it until she stopped talking. Oh wait that didn’t happen… Unfortunately it was only in my head. I just glared at her and shook my head.
As we walked to the elevator I was trying to keep it together but I could barely walk. Thankfully the nurse carried her out. My emotions were so raw and painful!

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This saying played over and over in my head as we walked.

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Truer words were never spoken…

We walked to the exit Chad walkedahead and went toget the car. Then I saw her. . . Waiting alone in the lobby. I thought to myself you’ve got to be kidding me. They didn’t make sure she was gone before parading us in front of her! This hospital SUCKS! Our social worker Sucks!
Deep breathe. . .
“Hey, can I sit next to you?”
“Of course. ..” staring blankly ahead
“Sorry”
“it’s not your fault they are dumb” she liked at me and gave me a tiny smile.
If we were united in anything it was the love of Chalynn and the hate for this hospital!
We sat in awkward silence as our nurse hummed to the baby. She kept the car seat turned away from Katie. Not sure what would have been better but I was just so upset at this point!
A cab pulled up and I asked if I could walk her to the car. She agreed. I leaned down to the social worker and said I’ll be right back. She didn’t even acknowledge me.
I walked with Katie and held her bags. The cab driver (a female which made me feel much better) got out of the car and offered her the front seat, when she said no she assisted her into the back seat.  I gave Katie a hug and kiss & told her we would see her later.  I then grabbed the cab drivers arm and said please be careful you are carrying very precious cargo.  She smiled and warmly said “she’s in good hands, I promise. God bless.” I stood at the curb as they pulled away and began to openly sob. Just then Chad pulled up with the car. I told him what had happened and he was shocked. He hadn’t seen her when we walked through the lobby and felt horrible that he just walked past her. He then said “can we please get out of this horrible hospital!” We walked back into the lobby and told the nurse we were ready our social worker popped up or of her chair and said “great let’s go!” Chad grabbed my hand as I thought about lunging for her throat!
We all stood curbside & our nurse handed Chalynn in her car seat to the social worker and she handed her to me. I secured her car seat and closed the door in her face as she said good bye. She looked over at Chad and said she would be in touch soon.
We were free from the worst hospital experience ever!
I stared at this perfect little girl in our back seat and cried my eyes out.

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